we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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