Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
