two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
