I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
