At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
