Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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