I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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