I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
