He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
