is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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