I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize