Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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