theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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