Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
