I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
