So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
