i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
