that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
