Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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