You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
