One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
