i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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