I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
