Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
