I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
