I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize