the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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