i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
