I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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