she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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