I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
