THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
