yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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