He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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