I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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