Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
