If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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