My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
