i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
