today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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