She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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