I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
