so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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