i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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