Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
