I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
