Swine flu is the new snow day.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
