He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
FUCK WHALES
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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