I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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