Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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