we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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