Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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