you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
