take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
