It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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