her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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