My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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