omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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