if only i could text you this smell
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This house was built for laser tag.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
