For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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