She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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