nutella sex= disaster
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
