If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
