your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
