oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
