Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
