What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
