I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
