Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
