I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize