I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
