WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
